No more getting 'whacked on the goof!'

No mo' gettin' whacked-out on the goof!

    You hear? John Mayer’s giving up the pot. No lie, seriously– I mean he Twittered it and everything so it’s like got2B true, right?

    I’ll bet the break-up with Jen was a wake up call for J-Man cuz I heard she was all P-Yode cuz he had time to smoke herb and Twitter his fans on his European tour  but no time to call his girlie girl, and you know how Jen gets when she’s not getting the attention she deserves so she was all like…

Toodles, J-Bird!

Toodles, Bong-Boy!

             “Whatever, John. Later, dude!” and I’ll bet John toked-it-up when he got the dump truck and he’s probably been on a maryjane bender ever since, huffin’ and puffin’ his heartache away and I guarantee he woke up one day and realized the best thing he ever had slipped through his guitar-pickin’ fingers and went up in reefer smoke and then I’ll bet he decided it was time to straighten up and put those naz doobies down cuz I mean come on, Jen?!!! He had Rachel (eat your heart out, Ross), and he let her slip away!

    Johnnie Boy, we’re talking Jen!!!! Hey, I’ll bet even Brad make Angelia wear a Jen rubber mask sometimes. No disrespect, Angie, but I mean, Jen!!!!!!!!!! 

    And you heard ’bout Madonna, right? She fell off her horsie the news said but that’s only half the story cuz the real scoopage is the accident happened while she was working to get herself another kid– but get a load of this– she was trying to buy that little girl from “Slumdog Millionaire” from the girl’s dad but some Royal Canadian Mounties heard the deal was going down and they came riding over to bust them and Madonna’s horse got all spooked and everything and threw the Material Girl to the

Oooopsie daisies!

Oooopsie daisies!

 Material World and she got all embarrassed and now is trying to blame her boo-boo on some paparazzi creepolla who was lurking in the bushes with long lenses and a guilty face. Bamm!

    And I’ve got it on very good authority Paris Hilton is thinking of upgrading her identity to Paris Ritz Carlton.

    How ’bout Paris Hampton Inn

    Bamm! You can’t make this stuff up.



Quick getting whacked-out on the goof and LISTEN!

Quick getting whacked-out on the goof and LISTEN!

Youngsters these days show no respect for their elders. In my day we knew that those older than us had a little something called ‘wisdom’ and that was the cheese worth hearing, so we’d happily sit at the feet of knowledge, sniff its dirty socks and soak it in. But seems kids these days are too busy smoking their reefer cigarettes and snorting their crack heroin needles up their sniffers and listening to their loud alternative emo rock music to care two figs about the things they could learn from keeping their dadblum ears and minds open. That’s the problem with kids these days— they’re not minding their p’s and q’s from those they could learn a thing or two about a thing or two. Maybe THAT’S why these kids these days can’t read or write diddley-squat and can’t find their own g-d country on a map with two hands and a compass! It’s enough to make Marco Polo blow smoke out his ears!!! In my day we could draw the map with our eyes closed and our hands tied behind our backs after being spun around like a top. Maybe kids should put down their maryjane sticks and turn down the loud alt rock music and give a listen to folks like me who’ve lived and learned and want to do the good Christian thing and share our wealth of knowledge with the g-d ingates who pay us no never no mind any-who. Now that I got that off the old lungcage, where’d I put those spats of mine, dadblammit? I want to step out tonight, consarn it all.